


and you said rise above.

by evangelistofstars



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: Alcohol, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Related, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Loss, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, chosen family, if you know the song you're a real mvp, oh look more orphydice angst, persephone deserves a mom of the year award, probably my most niche fic, we love sad reeve characters yes we do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21785776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangelistofstars/pseuds/evangelistofstars
Summary: Mister Hermes had always told him to open his eyes, to overcome. "Rise above it all," he had said. But it had all happened in a flash. One minute, he was walking towards the light, and the next thing he knew, she was gone. And for the first time in his life, Orpheus was unable to rise above.
Relationships: Eurydice/Orpheus (Hadestown), Hermes & Orpheus (Hadestown), Orpheus & Persephone (Hadestown)
Kudos: 20





	and you said rise above.

_When the ones who run the firehouse_

_Are the ones who start the fires_

It had all happened in a flash. One minute, Orpheus was walking towards the surface, shielding his eyes from the light before him which grew infinitely more blinding with each step he took, and he knew he was almost out. As he stepped onto a grassy patch, he knew that he had made it out safely. Assuming that if she was even there, she would’ve made it out safely as well, he turned around. He looked at her for the last time, and next thing he knew, she was gone.

_When the lawless make the laws,_ _  
_ _And every preacher is a liar_

He’d almost made it out without turning around. He’d almost done it. But the longer he walked without being able to see her, the more he questioned if she was even behind him at all. What if Hades was playing a trick on him? He let the winds of doubt seep into his mind. He could’ve sworn he heard her voice calling to him, but how could he be certain it wasn’t just the wind tricking him into thinking she was there? He’d kept telling himself not to turn around, that she’d want him to keep going. So he’d waited until he was out. But apparently she wasn’t safe yet. And now, here he was, alone, in the dark and cold, his lover having vanished from sight.

_When the ones who damn the innocent,_

_Well, they own the nightly news_

_And front page…._

The worst part was that it hadn’t been a trick. She’d been there behind him the whole time, he just hadn’t been able to believe, and as a result, she was gone, lost forever, and he’d never see her again. When he thought it had been a trick, it seemed to him like the unfairest of Hades’ games, but the fact that it had not been a trick, and he had been so close to having her back again, only to let his doubt take her away at the last second, was perhaps the unfairest of all.

_An old man once said to me,_

_It’s not who but what you know,_

Orpheus remembered what Mister Hermes had told him, long ago. The people you knew in this world don’t matter half as much as the knowledge you gained from your experience. He’d always told Orpheus that he could do anything he wanted to, he could overcome any issue he faced. _“Rise above”_ had been his exact words. He knew Eurydice would agree with that.

_And knowledge isn’t wisdom,_

_Without control…_

This was another thing Hermes had said that Orpheus had carried with him, and it rang in his mind so sharply it hurt, for he had just gone against this very statement and everything Hermes had raised him to believe. He’d had the knowledge at his fingertips, he’d known exactly what would happen if he were to turn around, but he did not have the control, hence he turned and Eurydice was now gone forever. He was not a wise man. He had failed.

_But it’s still to be the changes_ _  
_ _That you wanna see_

Orpheus had been optimistic. He’d always been ambitious, an activist and a dreamer. He’d always had a vision of the way the world could be, and he’d spent his whole life trying to change it. But Orpheus had been naive, had a little too much faith in the world. It wasn’t until he arrived in Hadestown that he’d seen how the world really was, but even then, he still tried to make a change. He’d seen the way the workers were treated, and he’d wanted to make it better. He’d inspired them, taught them to _rise above,_ just as Hermes had always told him long ago. He’d sung the song that brought the world back into tune and reminded the gods of their love, for even stony Hades’ heart softened at his music. He’d shown everyone the way the world could be, for Orpheus was a bird that sang in the dead of night, a flower that bloomed in bitter snow. Orpheus had spent his whole life trying to change the world, moreover, he’d actually done it, but look where that had gotten him now...

_But it comes slow,_

_I know…_

The same intrusive thoughts kept flashing through his mind. Sure, he had brought the world back into tune, fixed the seasons and united the hearts of all. But what good was bringing the world back into tune if Eurydice wasn’t there to see it? She was the reason he’d been so focused on putting the world back together. Sure, he’d had the vision all along, he’d had the inspiration to change, but it wasn’t until he’d met Eurydice that he knew that he needed to do this. He’d wanted to change the world for her, to prove to her that it could be better than the way she’d always seen it, he’d wanted to make the world beautiful for her, and then marry her in the springtime. What was the point of changing the world, if he couldn’t share it with her?

_And you said, **“ris** _ **_e above…”_ **

Orpheus collapsed onto the ground, running his fingers over the patch of ground where Eurydice had once stood, mere moments before she had disappeared into the night. He felt his whole life flash before him, as he remembered all that he had done for her. Despite every obstacle and challenge he faced, every person who told him that he couldn’t change anything, everyone who got in his way, Orpheus had kept on trying. No matter what happened, Orpheus had lived by what Hermes told him so many years ago. Orpheus had _risen above._ Staring sadly at the ground, Orpheus repeated those very same words to himself now. He wanted to scream, but no sound seemed to come from his mouth, instead collapsing into noiseless convulsive sobs. In his head, he kept repeating those words, over and over again until it hurt:

**_“And you said rise above……”_ **

Orpheus tried to steady himself off of the ground, disoriented from shock, vision blurred with tears. Could he rise above? Could he overcome this? He wasn’t sure, but regardless, he couldn’t lay by the exit forever. He had to get himself home. He had to live, to see the world he’d worked so hard to create. He hated the thought of living without her, but he knew that he had to keep going, it was what she would’ve wanted, even if she couldn’t see it. Finding the will to power his legs to move, he continued along the path, reaching what had once been his and Eurydice’s home. They were going to raise their children in that home. But it was just his home now. Collapsing into his desk chair as soon as reached it, he repeated those words again. 

No matter how much he wanted to give up, he had to be strong for her. He had to rise above.

* * *

Several weeks had passed since he’d lost her. He was an entirely different person than he’d been before the turn, and what little remained of the Orpheus everyone knew, the Orpheus who had walked straight into hell unfaltering to save the love of his life, was very quickly fading away. He’d given up hope for the world, given hope in everything, lost all faith in the gods. He trusted no one, god or mortal, and lashed out at everyone who got in his way, not truly angry at them, but angry at himself, taking it out on everyone. He couldn’t even look Mister Hermes in the eye, for he had failed him, gone against everything he’d raised him to believe. He drank heavily, and neglected to take care of himself, he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten or slept. He Alive, yes, but not truly living, a shell of his former self. He looked like a dead man, an apparition, and he felt something close to it too. He tried to remember what Hermes told him, what felt like an entire century ago, all those years before Eurydice had even crossed his path:

_And you said, **“rise above,”** _

How could he do that? He’d given up on life, given up on literally everything. He’d quit his job at the bar, never left his house, emptying at least one bottle of wine a night, angry whenever he ran out. The only people he ever let see him were Hermes and Persephone, and even they weren’t exactly welcome at first, always telling him things he already knew, and worrying way too much about him. He didn’t care for it, and he always tried to drown it out, for he refused to take an intervention for a problem that couldn’t be fixed. There was no fixing Orpheus, unless they could somehow bring Eurydice back from the dead, he would always be like this.

_“Open your eyes up….”_

He wondered how Eurydice was doing, if she’d readjusted to life in Hadestown yet, if anything down there had changed since he’d brought the world back into tune, if Hades was treating the workers any better because of him. He also wondered what Eurydice thought of all of this. Did she remember him, or had the factory already wiped all her memories away? If she did remember him, did she forgive him? Or did she resent him for what he did? She probably hated him now, after what he had done, and he couldn’t blame her, for after all, he had let her down. He’d let _everyone_ down. Including himself. _Especiall_ y himself. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to truly live again, if he’d ever get over his grief and be happy, or as close to happy as someone who had betrayed the love of his life could be. It didn’t seem likely, but part of him wanted to keep hoping. To stay strong for her like she would’ve wanted.

_And you said, **“rise above,”** _

_But I can’t…._

For the first time in his life, Orpheus was unable to rise above. He kept remembering what Hermes had told him, what Eurydice would’ve wanted if she were still here, but he knew that he couldn’t do it. How could he forgive himself, when all he’d done was let everyone down? He’d let himself down most of all. He’d let doubt get to him, when he’d been so close to making it out. Even as the days and weeks passed by since the night when he had lost her, it all flashed before him, almost taunting him with the fact that he’d almost been able to make it. He couldn’t sleep even if he tried, tormented by nightmares and flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, the only time he could stop himself from constantly reliving that night was when he was too drunk to remember, so he tried to stay that way at all times. He would never be able to rise above this, a shell of a man alone with the bottle and his thoughts.

**_….I can’t…._ **

How could he? Ever since Eurydice had been pulled back down to the underworld, it had been as if all the light and life had been pulled from Orpheus. He felt as pale and lifeless and hopeless as he looked. He thought about giving up and taking his own life. He had wanted to stay strong for her, he had wanted to rise above, but he couldn’t, so why keep on going, why be physically alive, if he wasn’t really living at all? If he died, he’d end up in Hadestown, and reunite with Eurydice, and be with her for all of eternity. He’d rather spend eternity in Hadestown, than spend another moment with his mind. He thought about it for a moment, reaching for a knife, perhaps to slit his throat, but he shook the thought away, setting the knife on the counter instead of using it. He couldn’t die, not just yet. He had to hold out for just a little longer, he told himself. And so he continued to live. If you could call it living. He continued to be alive, without her.

* * *

Spring faded to summer, and summer to fall, in the months that passed since the night of that fateful turn. Not that Orpheus was keeping track. In fact, time seemed to be slipping away from him, the world moving faster than he ever remembered it, and before he knew it, winter had rolled around, and yet Orpheus was frozen in time, the day of Eurydice’s disappearance seemed days ago, despite having happened last spring. So as you can expect, it was quite the surprise to him when Persephone came through the door in her white coat, suitcase in hand, having just returned from the underworld, when he hadn’t even been aware of the fact that she’d left. Had it really been that long since...the incident? Oh, how time was slipping away…

Orpheus looked at the springtime goddess before him, trying to comprehend just how much time had passed, and why it all seemed to move so quickly, while he’d remained frozen in time. Had it really been a whole year? He stared at her, saying nothing, and felt tears come to his eyes. He knew how proud Eurydice would be right now, if she knew he’d managed a whole year without her. But he also knew how disappointed she’d be, if she saw the man he’d become. Sensing he needed comfort, she approached him, cupping his face in her hands. 

Orpheus said nothing, staring at the goddess before him, trying to understand. Persephone sighed, trying to reassure him. She’d known Orpheus since he was a young child, and had watched him grow and rise and fall, and this boy was almost like a son to her. She had news to give him too, a message from the Underworld, but it could wait. He wasn’t in the right state to take it right now, and she wasn’t gonna force it on him unless he was ready to hear it. For a while, they both stood there in silence, until finally, Orpheus spoke.

  
“Lady Persephone......?” He said, looking up at the goddess, his voice barely more than a squeak among muffled sobs. “Has it really been a year?”

Persephone nodded, taking him into her arms. The fact that he wasn’t aware of the passage of time made her a little concerned. This was not the Orpheus she knew, he’d changed, since the turn, and it worried her. But there some things beyond even the gods’ control, and all she could do was comfort him and care for him, just as a mother would a son. Figuring it was time, and that she needed to pass along the message, Persephone reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded up sheet of paper, before turning back to Orpheus and making sure he was ready.

“Orpheus?” she asked softly, figuring it was probably time as he nodded a response into her coat. “I have something for you. Hold out your hand.”

“What is it?” Orpheus sighed dejectedly, pulling away slightly and holding out his hand for the goddess, as she pressed the paper into his palm.

“A message,” she said, smiling a little. “From Hadestown. Someone down there wanted me to pass this along to you….Someone who cares about you very much.”

Orpheus stared at the paper in his hand, before turning back to Persephone. 

“Is...is it...is it from...” he asked, sobs choking him and cutting him off mid-sentence.

Persephone nodded. “Yes. Open it. See what she has to say.”

Orpheus began unfolding the paper, his entire body shaking with tears. He paused for a moment, turning to Persephone, who gave him a look as if to say, “go on.” 

He opened the paper the rest of the way, nearly collapsing as he read the words it contained:

_Dearest Orpheus,_

_This is the first time I’ve written to you from Hadestown, but hopefully, it won’t be the last._

_I want you to know that I’m sorry for everything. I’ve been thinking about something_

_Hermes said long ago. “Open your eyes and rise above.” This has really helped me_

_down here in the factory, and I hope that you too will carry this with you._

_For if anyone can rise above something as big as this, it’s you._

Orpheus sat on the floor, sobbing, a single tear softly hitting the paper. Did she really forgive him for everything? Still, he continued to read,

_Know that I’ll be watching. Know that I’ll be waiting._

_I have been here, you were never alone._

_Outside your dreams, I’ve been watching and waiting for you._

He remembered what he could’ve sworn he’d heard her say, that fateful night when he had turned. _“You’re not alone, I’m right here,”_ he thought he’d heard her say. All this time he’d convinced himself it had only been the wind, but those had been her words after all. He felt the scene flash before him as he read these words, the final words blurring from his tears:

_Forever yours,_

_Above and below,_

_Eurydice_

Orpheus closed the letter, collapsing. He couldn’t believe what he had just read. Not only did she remember him, she forgave him for everything. She apologized. She thought it was her fault. He looked up at Persephone, who still stood before him, not quite knowing what to think, as the goddess looked at him, welcoming him into her arms again.

“She misses you down there, Orpheus. She wanted me to tell you that. And she wanted me to tell you that things down there have changed, since you left. Hades lets the workers keep their memories now, hence why she was able to remember all of this and…” Persephone cut herself off, not sure if she should tell him the last part, afraid it would hurt him too much.

“What?” Orpheus inquired, wanting to hear the rest of it.

Persephone sighed, reluctantly deciding to tell him. “....when she was first given the option….she...she wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep her memories, Orpheus.”

“She….wanted to forget me?”

“No. She wanted to forget what had happened. Forget you turning around. And if that meant she’d have to forget you in the process, she was willing to live with that.”

Orpheus began to stand up, still sobbing into Persephone’s coat as she stood up with him. “It’s okay, poet,” she said reassuringly. “She kept the memories. She wanted to remember you.”

He shook his head, sighing heavily. Honestly, he couldn’t blame her, for wanting to forget all that. He’d spent an entire year trying to forget it, and still hurt every time he remembered, he could understand why she’d want to let all of that go. But she hadn’t. She’d kept the memories. She’d given up the chance to forget her pain, because she wanted to remember him. 

“Thank you, Lady Persephone,” he said, “for everything.”

“No problem, Orpheus,” the goddess smiled. “You’re like a son to me.”

Persephone hugged Orpheus goodbye, turning to leave, for she had godly duties and her mother’s garden to attend to. “You know where to find me,” she said.

Something she’d said had clearly changed him, as for the first time in a year, Orpheus managed a smile. A small, weak smile, and not a genuinely happy one, but a smile nonetheless. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel true happiness again, but this was the closest he’d get. 

With that, the springtime goddess left, and Orpheus stood alone in his home, pondering Eurydice’s letter. He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come, so instead he just closed his eyes, and words flashed before him.

_And every heart that bleeds,_

_Will color your world red,_

_And the sorrow in the night,_

_Will be the blue you cannot shed,_

_And your strength will be a vision,_

_Beyond visibility,_

_And the gift that lies within you,_

_Will give you new eyes to see..._

And for the first time in a whole year of Orpheus not knowing what to do with himself, _his world could not have been more clear._

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i didn't forget about melodies, i promise chapter 3 will be up soon, but in the meantime have some angst, because i have listened to rise above one too many times this week and it reminded me of post canon orpheus :')


End file.
